"So does this mean you want to break up?"I asked,hoping my question would go unanswered.That is how it all began,or I guess,ended.The years the two of us had shared were one of the happiest,hardest and most challenging years I ever experienced.It seemed impossible that this was the last conversation we would have as Izzy and Ritch,the couple.
I had ignored the fact that the majority of foreign relationships do not last.I guess in the back of my mind,I always thought Izzy was the only man,I would ever had this feelings for,that he was the only man,would ever understand me.I never took into account that the last month of our relationship was one of the hardest I had ever gone through.It just stopped being fun.It stopped being about us and started to be about everything that surrounded him and me.
The next day we've met,I tried looking great to make him see what he had given up.I even tried to talk to him like my heart wasn't aching,like I was better off and even happier.But inside I looked at him and could only see all the love and time I had given and all the hurt I had received.At home.I walked around my room in a complete daze and cried myself to sleep every night.He was the only thing I thought about.dreamt about and talked about.I drove my friends crazy by constantly analyzing the situation.How it could have ended?I found my other half when I was with him.I felt like something had torn from me like I was no longer whole.
One night,I couldn't stand it.I gave up and called him.I didn't last for five minutes before I broke down and started crying.I told him I had forgotten how to be myself,and that I needed him.I didn't know how to be Ritch without Izzy.We had been through so much together that I could not imagine getting through this on my own.He told me that he would always care for me,but that it had become impossible to love me.
I don't know at exactly what point things started to change.I began spending time with my prayers and devotions.I joined fellowships and made after-work-palns.I was doing all I could to stay busy.
Slowly I began to have fun by myself without Izzy.Beyond that,I discovered things I like doing,was I could be of help.I lent a sympathetic ears to others who were hurting.
I began to smile and finally to laugh again.Whole days would pass without a thought of Izzy.I would see him at malls and wave.I was not ready to be friends with him.I was still healing.But I know i didn't cover a big wound with a Band -Aid and forget about it.I let the wound heal by itself and felt enough pain to know that I had truly cared for him.
The wonderful thing that happened was that I learned how to be a whole person,not half a couple.I had proven that the famous qoute is true."Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"Because no matter what,loving yourself can heal anything...
